Sunday, September 18, 2011

Longing for a time...

I'm sitting on my couch with my computer open to my blog and my ipad open to Psalms knowing that the writer of Psalms seems to know my heart. As I try to choose just one song or poem from the heart of David, I am discovering it's ALL of them. Somehow I have a kindred spirit with David as I read his writing. His heart seems to follow the same pattern as my heart. He seems to be conflicted constantly between the joy and celebration of who God is and at the same time, long for protection, love, mercy, revenge, healing, knowledge, and relief. He seems to go in "shifts" of requests, praise, and anger all coming from the same heart.

My heart is going in shifts today. When I try to choose just one song or poem, I am discovering that there isn't one. How do you express one heart when it is all broken into pieces? Not all bad pieces, just different pieces with vastly different songs. Some pieces are praise, mercy, compassion, and love. Right now, the song that seems to be the biggest piece is a longing for healing. My family seems to be running parallel with my heart, in pieces; or maybe my heart is a reflection of the heart of my family.

Some pieces are in celebration for a new life being added to our family. Some pieces of anger hidden beneath a blanket of tears and hurtful words between our family. Other pieces long for protection and mercy, for compassion and understanding for our family.

All pieces long for a time of healing.

This is my psalm:

How long, oh Lord, will my heart and my family be in pieces? How long will it be? Surely there will be a time when everyone is healed. Surely there will be a time when You have seen enough suffering from the people You love. How long will You be silent? Are you silent? Why can't I hear You?

How long, oh Lord, will the pain seem to override the joy? The joy takes hold for a short time, but is fleeting. How long will it be? Surely you see my dad's pain. Surely you see my mom's pain. Surely you can see how complicated it all seems. Can't you see how broken everything is? How can You watch while it all unravels? Help me hear You. Show me Your love. I beg for understanding and compassion when anger and pain seem to blind me.






2 comments:

Lori said...

lovely words

Anonymous said...

Wow!!! Rachel, I think you know what all is going on with my parents, if not they are getting a divorce. So, when I read your words, it was if you heard them straight from heart. Please pray for me and my family and I will continue to pray for you and yours. I hope we can both heal from these painful situations. Thank you for posting this!
Andrea