Longing for a time...

I'm sitting on my couch with my computer open to my blog and my ipad open to Psalms knowing that the writer of Psalms seems to know my heart. As I try to choose just one song or poem from the heart of David, I am discovering it's ALL of them. Somehow I have a kindred spirit with David as I read his writing. His heart seems to follow the same pattern as my heart. He seems to be conflicted constantly between the joy and celebration of who God is and at the same time, long for protection, love, mercy, revenge, healing, knowledge, and relief. He seems to go in "shifts" of requests, praise, and anger all coming from the same heart.

My heart is going in shifts today. When I try to choose just one song or poem, I am discovering that there isn't one. How do you express one heart when it is all broken into pieces? Not all bad pieces, just different pieces with vastly different songs. Some pieces are praise, mercy, compassion, and love. Right now, the song that seems to be the biggest piece is a longing for healing. My family seems to be running parallel with my heart, in pieces; or maybe my heart is a reflection of the heart of my family.

Some pieces are in celebration for a new life being added to our family. Some pieces of anger hidden beneath a blanket of tears and hurtful words between our family. Other pieces long for protection and mercy, for compassion and understanding for our family.

All pieces long for a time of healing.

This is my psalm:

How long, oh Lord, will my heart and my family be in pieces? How long will it be? Surely there will be a time when everyone is healed. Surely there will be a time when You have seen enough suffering from the people You love. How long will You be silent? Are you silent? Why can't I hear You?

How long, oh Lord, will the pain seem to override the joy? The joy takes hold for a short time, but is fleeting. How long will it be? Surely you see my dad's pain. Surely you see my mom's pain. Surely you can see how complicated it all seems. Can't you see how broken everything is? How can You watch while it all unravels? Help me hear You. Show me Your love. I beg for understanding and compassion when anger and pain seem to blind me.

Community

I never watched the TV show "Cheers". Since shows like "Roseanne" and "The Simpsons" were off the table, it's no surprise that my parents banned a show in which the setting is in a bar. I've seen reruns, and I would probably recognize the theme song if I heard it. I even know a few bits and pieces about the show's purpose. (Don't tell my parents.) Today, the lyrics caught my attention.

Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name.

You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows your name.

I'll get straight to the point. While reading these lyrics, it shocked me that I want exactly what these words say. A community. Coming to the realization that this community they are referring to is a bar hits me hard. With no intention of making judgments on the bar setting, on the contrary, the lyrics of this song remind me of the community I long for with other Christians. A community that knows me. A group of people that hold me accountable and in check for my choices and my thoughts. I do have a type of community. I have several people in my life that know me. This is very true, and I value those people more than anything. My realization of community comes after reflecting on the idea of community. It's not a new concept to me as I have heard it since I was a kid, the Body of Christ and its parts - Sunday School 101. The newness comes from the idea that each part contributes to the whole. (I'm sure I'm already supposed to know that. Oh well.) Yes, you need each part, and every part has a role. But a role for what? That part is participating in something greater than parts. It's participating with the purpose of making something whole. They aren't supposed to be disconnected parts. They are supposed to be connected. Connected to other parts to form one body.

I feel like I'm disconnected. I'm connected with a few other parts in many different places, but I'm missing the whole. The hard part - it's my choice. In all this, I know it's my choice to be disconnected. For whatever reason or excuse I have, legitimate or not, It's my choice. I have been satisfied with limiting my connection to the whole body. It's easier. It's comfortable.

Then again, I guess if it was easier, I wouldn't feel the lack of community.

Lord, help me choose to be connected. Somehow, somewhere. Help me get over my fear of being uncomfortable. Show me how to get over my excuses of traveling, work, and family. Break apart my thoughts of arrogance that no one does it right. Keep me from believing I can do it on my own all the time. Give me the strength to resist being disconnected because it's easier. In the name of Jesus, Amen.